From the Heart is a space for the reflections of our staff on issues that matter to them, to our network, and most importantly, to those we walk alongside.
Maxine Robert, our Executive Assistant and Office Manager, shares her thoughts on why inclusion matters to her, and her hopes for the future as a member of the LGBTQ+ community.
Maxine, tell us a bit about your journey and how you identify today.
I grew up in a very Catholic family, and I think sort of pushed away my feelings and ideas around sexuality, and therefor my identity, because they didn’t fit the reality that I knew, and I certainly didn’t know any other gay people. As I got older, into my twenties, I realized that maybe I was more fluid than I thought. Then as people around me started to come out, I started to consider who I was and what that meant.
Then I met Chantale, who is my partner and has been for 22 years now. She identifies as a lesbian, but I personally don’t like labels. Things aren’t so black and white for me. Sometimes I say that I’m a lesbian because it’s easier for people to relate and understand that. Mostly, I’m pro-people. I want everyone to be and feel accepted exactly for who they are.
You mentioned labels, and those can be confusing for folks. Why do you think they’re so important to members of the LGBTQ+ community?
I just wish they weren’t so necessary, honestly. There are lots of letters in the acronym LGBTQ+ (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer and “plus”, signifying other identities), and more letters are still being added as society evolves. I understand why people are sometimes so passionate about “their letter” being visible because these are people who so often feel that they’ve never been truly seen. It means a lot to them to be included. But I hope that one day, there will be no more letters, no more acronyms. We can just get to know each other, and we won’t have to fit everyone into a category.
Speaking of inclusion, what has it been like for you to be openly gay in your family and community?
In general, I’m very lucky. I have very supportive family and friends. I’ve had occasional difficult moments in every aspect of my life, but workplace challenges were particularly hard to handle. In the past, I’ve had to quit a job when I didn’t feel able to make things better or to change them, for myself or for others, in order to feel fully respected. That’s very difficult to accept.
In the day to day, people tend to assume I’m married with kids and are surprised to find out that my partner is a woman. Some people are shocked, and others are embarrassed or feel bad for assuming things. I learned a long time ago that people get to decide how they feel about me, but I don’t have to carry that weight. I know who I am and what’s right for me.
That said, Chantale and I tend to be mindful about how we act in public. As a couple, if we see a pride flag, we know we’re welcome. If we see someone holding hands, we know we can do that, too. We’re not big on public affection, but maybe that’s because we’re gay and we haven’t always felt safe to do so. Inclusion matters to us: it means we’re free to be fully ourselves. We get to live how we want to live without having to be aware or cautious all the time.
What are your hopes for the future when it comes to LGBTQ+ acceptance and inclusion?
I see younger generations and I think they’re doing so great. They have school groups, peer support, pride flags displayed and other things. I never had that when I was growing up. I never saw anyone like me. Teenage years are hard enough without adding the stress of coming out and having to assume a sexual identity, so I’m glad things are changing for them.
Every person has a different story and view of the world. We don’t all see things the same way. Even within the LGBTQ+ community, there’s lots of variety. I know religious gay people who go to mass every Sunday, and some who would never go.
Because I grew up Catholic, I sometimes reflect on inclusion within the Church and what I know to be true. Jesus was an outcast; he loved the poor, the vulnerable, and those who were left behind. From my view, the messages from the Bible are loud and clear: Accept each other. Love each other. So that’s what I hold onto. I hope the Church continues to move forward in the direction of inclusion and acceptance.
Even now, in Canada, acceptance seems to be eroding. There are acts of violence and open discrimination against the LGBTQ+ community every day. We have a lot of work still left to do as a society, and to support folks in other countries, too.
There’s room for us all in this world. It’s just about finding our place.