Every two weeks, a small but growing group of men meet at Sara Riel to talk about what matters to them: their health, their relationships, their struggles and their successes. Inspired by his work as a Mental Health Case Worker, Joshua Kolapo co-facilitates the Men Let’s Talk group with his colleague Musaka Sadi.
“As I went about my work here as a case manager, I started realizing there was a need,” explains Kolapo. “I noticed a lot of isolation in men and more than that, over time I noticed the impact I was having just by listening to them. I spoke to our leadership about starting something up and they bought in and supported the idea.”
The concept of the men’s group is simple: a safe space for men to be able to share their feelings and be vulnerable enough to open up about what’s happening for them. “The idea was to create a community,” Kolapo confirms. “It’s hard to find these connections in the society we’re living in now, and I think, perhaps, that women do a better job of reaching out and sharing with each other. We wanted to be the space where men can start to do that, too.”
While many topics are covered in the group, it’s the isolation that is the strongest undercurrent. “I spoke to someone who had a 50th birthday recently,” Kolapo shares as an example. “He told me that he hoped that at least one person would call, but no one did. It really struck me how men can so easily become isolated without connections in their community.”
The two-hour sessions are peer-led to ensure the group is meeting the needs of those who participate. “We want people to feel comfortable talking about what they really need to talk about it,” continues Kolapo. “Often, men in the group have been through similar situations to what’s being shared, and they can maybe help each other.”
Kolapo believes in the power of a men’s group partially based on personal experience. “I attend a group myself,” he shares. “There’s an expectation that has been placed on men for many generations, that they should bottle things up, not share and just power through. It will take time for men to change and to get better at being vulnerable, but we need to start somewhere and making changes that will facilitate that.”
Kolapo and Sadi share personal experiences while in the group, as well. “I recently shared that I now celebrate when I cry,” says Kolapo with a laugh. “My partner and I laugh about it! But I’m learning. I think all of us men need to learn that vulnerability is not a weakness, it’s a strength.”
While the program is just getting up and running, Kolapo already has dreams for its future. One participant drives over an hour from out of town to attend, but Kolapo knows there’s more to be done. He envisions activities in the community together, connecting and contributing in ways that improve their own lives and the lives of others. “That’s honestly the main goal: to show that we get through life with each other. We need each other!” concludes Kolapo.
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To learn more about Sara Riel’s men’s group, please click here.