Staff at Youville Centre are creating new ways to support people who are facing the challenging emotion of grief in a world that doesn’t always want to confront it. “We live in a grief-averse society,” shares Kaily Bodnarchuk, a counsellor who co-runs the specialized programming. “We don’t want to talk about it or even be around conversations about it sometimes. There are not many places and spaces for people to express their pain around the loss of a loved one.”
Members of the community are welcomed into safe spaces where grief is allowed to take centre stage, to be discussed and faced together. “Many people say that they feel like they can’t talk about their loved one anymore,” continues Cesar Gonzales, a community health nurse who has been working with grief support groups for over 30 years. “There are so many myths around how long it should take to grieve, or when you’ll be over it. The reality is, you don’t get over it, you learn to live alongside it.”
Starting on April 17, a drop-in grief group called Creating a Path will be held every Friday from 2:00 pm to 4:00 pm for three weeks. Focused on activities to help folks process loss in their lives, Bodnarchuk acknowledges that everyone grieves differently and the activities are designed to reflect that. “The group we ran over the winter was very focused on talking and sharing,” she explains. “This upcoming group still makes spaces for people, but in different ways. Maybe someone needs to build something or do something to express their grief. We’ll be exploring that together.”
One of the tenets of grief that connects participants is a very simple one: they are hurting because someone they had a strong connection with is gone. Whether it’s a spouse, parent, children, friend, sibling or someone else, grief is painful but can also be complicated. “We explore the different aspects of our relationships with those we’ve lost,” continues Bodnarchuk. “You hear people say that we shouldn’t speak ill of the dead, but people and relationships are complex. Acknowledging that gives people more space to be honest and authentic about what they’re feeling.”
The grief groups also help members prepare for potentially difficult days ahead. “We talk about how some of our other relationships might change after this loss,” shares Gonzales. “And we look at memories, holidays and special occasions; they can be triggering, so we talk about how to prepare for that. Maybe there’s a way to include your loved one’s memory at the next family meal, or a way you can honour them yourself; this is a place where we can explore those ideas together.”
Weaving in discussion, education and activities, each group creates the container that it needs. “There’s some common threads that pop up,” Gonzales concludes, “People are stronger than they think, and they often start recognizing that in their time with us. Or they start to recognize what they need, in this moment and in the moments to come. Grief does something else to many of us: reminds us to appreciate the moments we have, and to appreciate the connection we had, too.”